Thank you G-d for my hearing so that I could hear my little beans heartbeat today.
Today I had my first real doctors appointment. Tons of blood given and tests submitted. Blood pressure is a bit low but it’s better than high. We met some amazing people from the receptionist who couldn’t be sweeter to the nurse, to the midwife, social worker and even a nutritionist. Today has been a very productive day for me and the Bean. It’s wonderful when professionals around you tell you that you are on a good track from your support to taking care of yourself. Granted, we are not completely prepared, after all this was a surprise pregnancy but we are well on our way to a good beginning.
It’s amazing to know that there is help and care for those of us that are not privileged to have health insurance. I am truly thankful for everything I have today. I am especially thankful that the Bean has been tested. Now we just hope for the best and wait for the results which should be evident in two weeks. Friday will bring us a new picture of the Bean. I’m thrilled.
Though we haven’t heard from the father in about 4 days now, we are keeping optimistic because we know we are in good Hands. Though everyone close to me seems angry with him, I am giving him space to make his own decision. I will not sway him into anything one way or the other. He is his own man and will make the best decision for himself at this moment in time. As for me? I have two lives to take the best care of I know how now, so that is my focus: keeping positive, working on stability, and being thankful for everything that I do have. We must remember to focus on the blessings not things that are lacking. Things that are lacking are there to teach and guide us in the right direction.
Today has been a wonderful day.
I know that all parents to be probably have the same wishes, fears, and hopes. The most prominent for me today is being able to be a good example for my child. I hope to be a strong role model who will inspire compassion, kindness, love, and respect towards this world and it’s inhabitants. I do not have any idea on how that will unfold but with a good heart, a better intent, and the watchful eye of G-d we’ll ensure an offspring we can all be proud of.
Sometimes I wish I could get a glimpse into the future. There are so many questions that swirl through my head. Does he love me? Does he not? Does he want us? Will he really be able to just leave us in the past? These are seemingly selfish questions but they are with The Bean first in mind. Will there be a father figure? Will I be able to do the job if there isn’t? What will I say in 13 years when the questions aren’t my own any more.
Sometimes I want to cut all ties. It would seem that it is the best for the both of us. The father I mean. He wants no part of it. There’s not acknowledgement of the pregnancy even. I am judging, I know. There is no way to know what his plans, thoughts, and wishes are. I know that he has fear, he has to. I know that he has questions of his own. This is why I am being patient as painful as it is. I am in total understanding that the way I deal with it isn’t the way any one else would. Nor should they. We are each our own. I know I have to be as understanding and kind as I can.
So here I am always at his beking call. Always a pushover for his needs and wants. Always looking for ways to appease him. You’d think life would have taught me by now that this is not the way to open anyones eyes. But as many hardships as I’ve had in life my heart grows bigger. Or perhaps it’s stupidity. All I know is that it’s not about me anymore. I want the best for The Bean.
So for the time being, I will go with the flow. I will see where life takes us. I can only hope this is the right way. I can only pray that with G-d by my side my fears will dissolve and I will look to the future with a happy heart, no matter where that takes us.
So they say that lemon and ginger is great for pregnancy nausea. They also say that probiotics are good for your gut n brain. Well look at this wonderfulness!
I am YUMMY!
Perhaps I am an oddity in this ever evolving world but I like things that … well, others simply EW. That includes things like sauerkraut, liver, and the like.
One of the things I remember stealing as a kid from my g-ma as she cooked were boiled beets. No salt, no pepper, just a beet and pop it in the mouth.
Now, living in America with all the amenities and luxuries she doesn’t cook much. And let’s face it, beets don’t exactly make a star appearance on the Food Network Channel. So I decided to venture out into the world of the great wide web to see if I can find something new and interesting that included the good ole beet. And I found it!
I have yet to try this but the ingredients sound simply amazing and oh-so-good for ya. And as a mom-to-bee I am, after all, growing a bean inside me too. By the way, did you know they are amazing for an expecting mother? It just keeps getting better and better, so give the beat a chance.
(found on simplyrecipes.com)
Moroccan Beet and Carrot Salad
Have you tried this? Any tips? Please share below. I look forward to chatting with you foodies.
What’s so Good About Beets?
Well aside from being delicious (I swear it!) there are a ton of benefits from vitamis to a good cleanse. Here are some more:
- Not that I need it but they say that beets are natures viagra because they contain lots of boron that helps in productions of human sex hormones.
- They have a ton of vitamins and minerals like A, B, C and folic acid. Beets are particularly beneficial to women whom are pregnant, as the vitamin B and iron are very beneficial to new growth cells during pregnancy and replenishing iron in the woman’s body.
- Beets help prevent cancer by detecting and removing abnormal cells before they become cancerous. The phytonutrients–proanthocyanidins–that gives beets their rich purplish-red hue has potent anti-cancer capabilities.
- They help lower blood pressure.
- Beets contain betaine that is found in some remedies for depression.
- They are great for anti inflammatory that help with the effects of aging and disease.
- They aid in purifying your blood.
- Beets help cleanse your liver.
Okay, now for a confession… I always loved beets but now I am IN love with them! So much goodness.
They say you are about the size of a pea pod, or as I like to think of you a bean – string bean I guess. I am your mom. I will always be your mom, your protector, your friend… in that order. I cannot wrap my brain around how clueless I am right now but you should know that I will always have you at the forefront of all of my actions for my life is no longer my own.
We will learn and grow together and I will do my best to instill my best qualities in you with the hopes that you do not have to travel as harsh a roads as I have. But only G-d has that in the works for us. All you need to know is that no matter what we go through, we’ll be together. I’ll always be there to pick you up in case you fall.
Do you hear me when I talk? Cry? Laugh? I cannot wait to do those things together with you. I cannot wait to show you the beautiful and terrifying world we live in. I cannot wait to lay my eyes on you and hold you. It’s true what they say – a woman becomes a mother at conception. I have. I am your mom. I will always be your mom, no matter what.
“Our attitude towards what has happened to us in life is the important thing to recognize. Once hopeless, my life is now hope-full, but it did not happen overnight. The last of human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, is to choose one’s own way.” – Victor Frankl
It seems just when you think you have life figured out it splits into a fork, giving you choices to make that never seemed to cross your mind. She’s funny that way ain’t she? I will chock it up to “This is how we stay sharp and on our toes. This is how we stay smart and eventually become wise.” I think the trick in these, at times seemingly desperate, situations one must stay positive and remember that everything works out for the best. I know it sounds cliche but when I think back on the many lives I’ve lived and the numerous tribulations I’ve crossed and left behind, I realize – I am a better, stronger, smarter individual because of it. Therefore, who am I to ask for anything different.
Now pregnant, I am meeting women from all walks of life, all with different challenges and I see that each one of us has a life carved out just for us. It’s how we look at is is how we land – 0n our feet or our backs (no pun intended).
So let’s stay positive in the face of dark hours, lets look to the future, and lets look forward to the people it will mold us into. It’s up to us not to be crushed and support each other along the way.
Headache – day 3. Staying positive. Looking at this screen is probably not good for it. But I wanted to share my day with ya’ll really quick.
Work is Great!
In case you didn’t know I operate a dog walking and pet sitting business, here in New Jersey (you can find my site and everything pets at http://www.lapofluxurypets.com) which has been drying out a bit as of late. I am staying positive and though it’s easier some days than others I had met a wonderful new client today who is the mom of two sweet Pit bull girls. In case you didn’t know Pitties are one of my favorite breeds out there (RIP my dear sweet Monster). They are oh so cute and didn’t hesitate to lick me to death as me and their mom chatted about their needs and wants.
Then, while stuffing my face with Wendy’s (I know, I know. I messed up man!) I got a call from a Pit mix mom who needs a roomie for her pup while they are away on vacation. Seriously? The best day ever! I am thrilled to meet them later on this week.
We’re far from where we were a year ago but it’s a step in the right direction and I’m ever so grateful.
Feeling Okay but Looking for a Bit of Relief
The headache is not the worst I’ve ever had (thank G-d) but tomorrow will mark day 4 and let me just say, it takes a toll. Maybe they are related to my sleeplessness. I feel drained during the day and awake through the night. Backwards much?
Blast from the Past
An ex from about 8 months ago popped up and was eager to share his closures with me. I am more than happy to listen, though my closure was attained, oh 8 months ago or so. It’s not being conceited. It’s the knowing that I did my best to be the best partner I know how so I have no regrets when I finally say – enough. But it was good to be a grown up and allow another lay it all out as not to have it fester into the future. I am thankful that the opportunity was provided for this interaction to take place.
There is a stink bug in my room. I don’t want to kill it but it’s buzzing and bashing into walls and such is driving me nuts. Maybe it’s the sensitivity due to this ache of the head but it’s getting on my last nerve. Okay, okay… breathe. Just a bug getting a few more flights in before it’s final minute.