Piles of Onesies

Time Flies

Baby clothes

I know that time flies. It seems the more days go by the faster blinks they become of my past. It leaves our heads spinning. An example of that is when your newborn grows out of his or her onesies within a month. Granted that is still ahead of me but I am lucky enough to have a friend that has just given birth a few months ago and has been amazing in filling me in on all the things to come that even books don’t cover. It’s such a pleasure to sit back with her and her little one and chat about her experiences and adventures. And that pea is just adorable and personality for days!

Pass’em Down

So when she called me asking if I wanted to take her daughters clothes, I thought to myself, what DO people do with just about brand new clothes of their newborns? After that, my thoughts went to, wait a minute!!! She was just born!!! She grew clothes out already? Head spinning for sure!!! I also can’t help but think I am so lucky to have her for all her eager advice and helping words and the passing down of the threads is an awesome icing.

What About You?

All this makes me wonder, what do others do? Do you moms pass your babys clothes along to friends and family, donate them, throw them away? Share with me below. I look forward to hearing from you gals.

Just Kickin’ it

We are 5 months and 2 weeks along this week. These are the words of a first time mom-to-bee. Last few nights the little one has been very active. She’s been kicking away and it’s such a weird feeling. I mean I’ve seen the pictures and heard the heartbeat but to feel movement is something else entirely. I don’t know what strong movements are vs light ones but it almost seems like I can SEE her little feet under my belly making it move and shift. I am loving being pregnant. I am loving that I’ll be a mom in just a few short months. All the difficulties are so worth it.

I’ve been laid up in bed for the last few days with what the doctors are telling me is a sciatic nerve pain but with all the acrobatics she’s performing in there I hope she moves off of that spot that has me pretty much immobile. After all, I AM single and I need to make the money for as long as I possibly can and my job requires walking, walking, and more walking.

Sure I can’t walk, have debilitating migraines, and have immense waves of nausea, but I am so looking forward to our sixth month together in a few weeks and the new experiences it’ll bring. In the meantime, I am trying to stay healthy (the whole household is sick with a high temperature so I guess it’s good that I am locked up in my room) and positive about the future.

It’s a Wonderful Day

Thank you G-d for my hearing so that I could hear my little beans heartbeat today.

Today I had my first real doctors appointment. Tons of blood given and tests submitted. Blood pressure is a bit low but it’s better than high. We met some amazing people from the receptionist who couldn’t be sweeter to the nurse, to the midwife, social worker and even a nutritionist. Today has been a very productive day for me and the Bean. It’s wonderful when professionals around you tell you that you are on a good track from your support to taking care of yourself. Granted, we are not completely prepared, after all this was a surprise pregnancy but we are well on our way to a good beginning.

It’s amazing to know that there is help and care for those of us that are not privileged to have health insurance. I am truly thankful for everything I have today. I am especially thankful that the Bean has been tested. Now we just hope for the best and wait for the results which should be evident in two weeks. Friday will bring us a new picture of the Bean. I’m thrilled.

Though we haven’t heard from the father in about 4 days now, we are keeping optimistic because we know we are in good Hands. Though everyone close to me seems angry with him, I am giving him space to make his own decision. I will not sway him into anything one way or the other. He is his own man and will make the best decision for himself at this moment in time. As for me? I have two lives to take the best care of I know how now, so that is my focus: keeping positive, working on stability, and being thankful for everything that I do have. We must remember to focus on the blessings not things that are lacking. Things that are lacking are there to teach and guide us in the right direction.

Today has been a wonderful day.

My Hopes for Today

I know that all parents to be probably have the same wishes, fears, and hopes. The most prominent for me today is being able to be a good example for my child. I hope to be a strong role model who will inspire compassion, kindness, love, and respect towards this world and it’s inhabitants. I do not have any idea on how that will unfold but with a good heart, a better intent, and the watchful eye of G-d we’ll ensure an offspring we can all be proud of.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

Sometimes I wish I could get a glimpse into the future. There are so many questions that swirl through my head. Does he love me? Does he not? Does he want us? Will he really be able to just leave us in the past? These are seemingly selfish questions but they are with The Bean first in mind. Will there be a father figure? Will I be able to do the job if there isn’t? What will I say in 13 years when the questions aren’t my own any more.

Sometimes I want to cut all ties. It would seem that it is the best for the both of us. The father I mean. He wants no part of it. There’s not acknowledgement of the pregnancy even. I am judging, I know. There is no way to know what his plans, thoughts, and wishes are. I know that he has fear, he has to. I know that he has questions of his own. This is why I am being patient as painful as it is. I am in total understanding that the way I deal with it isn’t the way any one else would. Nor should they. We are each our own. I know I have to be as understanding and kind as I can.

So here I am always at his beking call. Always a pushover for his needs and wants. Always looking for ways to appease him. You’d think life would have taught me by now that this is not the way to open anyones eyes. But as many hardships as I’ve had in life my heart grows bigger. Or perhaps it’s stupidity. All I know is that it’s not about me anymore. I want the best for The Bean.

So for the time being, I will go with the flow. I will see where life takes us. I can only hope this is the right way. I can only pray that with G-d by my side my fears will dissolve and I will look to the future with a happy heart, no matter where that takes us.

Words for The Bean

They say you are about the size of a pea pod, or as I like to think of you a bean – string bean I guess. I am your mom. I will always be your mom, your protector, your friend… in that order. I cannot wrap my brain around how clueless I am right now but you should know that I will always have you at the forefront of all of my actions for my life is no longer my own.

We will learn and grow together and I will do my best to instill my best qualities in you with the hopes that you do not have to travel as harsh a roads as I have. But only G-d has that in the works for us. All you need to know is that no matter what we go through, we’ll be together. I’ll always be there to pick you up in case you fall.

Do you hear me when I talk? Cry? Laugh? I cannot wait to do those things together with you. I cannot wait to show you the beautiful and terrifying world we live in. I cannot wait to lay my eyes on you and hold you. It’s true what they say – a woman becomes a mother at conception. I have. I am your mom. I will always be your mom, no matter what.

Tuesday Morning Thoughts

“Our attitude towards what has happened to us in life is the important thing to recognize. Once hopeless, my life is now hope-full, but it did not happen overnight. The last of human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, is to choose one’s own way.” – Victor Frankl

It seems just when you think you have life figured out it splits into a fork, giving you choices to make that never seemed to cross your mind. She’s funny that way ain’t she? I will chock it up to “This is how we stay sharp and on our toes. This is how we stay smart and eventually become wise.” I think the trick in these, at times seemingly desperate, situations one must stay positive and remember that everything works out for the best. I know it sounds cliche but when I think back on the many lives I’ve lived and the numerous tribulations I’ve crossed and left behind, I realize – I am a better, stronger, smarter individual because of it. Therefore, who am I to ask for anything different.

Now pregnant, I am meeting women from all walks of life, all with different challenges and I see that each one of us has a life carved out just for us. It’s how we look at is is how we land – 0n our feet or our backs (no pun intended).

So let’s stay positive in the face of dark hours, lets look to the future, and lets look forward to the people it will mold us into. It’s up to us not to be crushed and support each other along the way.